xanana ventura en la red

over the past year and a half since i left this blog to focus on what antoine de saint-exupery's little prince calls "matter of consequence," so many important things have been kept away from this blog. 

since leaving this blog, i met my partner, the love of my life, my d2. i finished my thesis, won an award for it in university, got hired as a reporter for a major television network, and had an all-access pass to people some would only dream about brushing into at the mall. i brushed into some of these people and realized how some of them never really deserve their vip status. over the past year and a half, i changed phone numbers twice, had all my phones with my old phone numbers stolen at different occasions, got mugged, got harassed at different occasions, and found a way to turn everything in my favor. 

i've been out of town, i've covered major stories i would only hear or read about in the news before, covered small stories, had people asking me for help, had people refusing help from us, covered crime stories, had a first look at brains freshly escaped out of their skull cocoon. i've seen rich people in all their gaudy excess, poor people in their cramped shelters, i've seen mangled corpses in cars that fell victim to drag-racing, mangled bodies killed in the least dignified ways possible, rape victims who pretend nothing happened to them just to mask the pain they nurse inside, and dead babies stuffed in things the catholic church will shudder at. 

over the past year, i lost weight, gained weight, lost it, and gained it back twofold. i changed wardrobes, lifestyles, and brought one back. i discovered how to make music and not just be a critic of it. i lost my cultural capital by getting myself focused on work and work alone. i lost my nightlife, and got it back by getting myself on the night shift. i've been a cunning bitch to colleagues from other organizations, and incidentally had that same quality gain me friends from most of them.

i've been an ear, a mouthpiece, a megaphone, and a muffler. i've been a shoulder, an arm, a hand, and a fist. 

i've shed tears and made some people shed tears for me. i've lost my pride and gained too much back. i've had fat and put myself in the painful process of losing it. i felt like i stagnated and found a way to get out of the rut. i lost friends, lost contact with friends, gained friends, and gained too much contact with the new ones. i gave birth to ideas that never saw the light of day. i got exposed to the light of day with a terrible drought of ideas to serve as my shade. 

i've learned to forget, and i've learned to remember. at some point, i've learned that some things are best forgotten, while some work best when they're kept fresh in the memory. 

i've learned how to write fast, and learned how to write simple. i've learned how to ditch my notebook and pen for the notes app in my phone, and the memory app in my brain. and at some point i forgot how to write.

i've grown.

one by one, the memories of the past year and a half will flow as another chapter in my life sets in. they will flow together as context to the more recent events in this life i'm leading. 

i've once built a fortress of a dike to stop the water from flowing. now it's time to demolish the dike.